Funny

8Semesters
80GB syllabus
80MB we study
80KB we remember
80Bytes we ans.
BINARY marks we get,
dis is know as B.Tech(Brain is Technically Empty)

Insulting

why do girls look beautiful?
Is it real or due to dress ?


All false.

Girls look beautiful because,


Boys have good imaginations!!!!

Joke

Pappu museum main gaya
Or waha 1 purani murti ko tod diya

Police:tumne 5000 saal purani murti tod di.
Pappu-thank god,mujhe laga ki nayi thi

Shayari

BIHAR KI GALI ME PAAN KI DUKAN,
DEVDAS NE DEKHI PARO KI MUSKAN,
DEVDAS NE KHILAYA PARO KO PAAN,
KHAKE PAAN BOLI
"SHUKRIYA BHAI JAAN"

Santa-Banta

Santa: Mujhe shadi me BMW mili hai.
Banta:Par tumhare paas to koi car nahi hai.
Santa:Abey gadhe,
BMW ka matlab
"Bahut Moti Wife"

Santa-Banta

Banta:Yeh chaaku kyun ubaal rhe ho?
Santa:Suicide karne ke liye
Banta:To fir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai ?
Santa:Kahin infection na ho jaaye....

Santa-Banta

Santa ne Machis ki 1 tilli jalai
NAI JALI
2 Jalai NAI JALI
3 Jalai wo jal gai to santa ne jaldi se bujha di or bola ye kam ki hai isko rakhta hu..

Funny

Who let you get on the horse,you child of witch?
Samajh nahi aaya?






Tainu ghodi kinney chadaya bhootni k

Ka english version hai

Funny

PJ of d day:
Wat do u cal a butiful woman in West Indies ?







"TOURIST" :-)

Santa-Banta

Banta:Praji jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalyeen thi.
Santa: Kamal hai! Sab ka nishana kayse chook gaya ?

Santa-Banta

Santa-v need a bridge in our village.
Ministr-how,there is no river in ur village?
Santa-oh thn,we need a river too!

Shayari

Bin aapke na jee payenge hum
Aapki parchyi banke jindgi bitayenge hum
Door jane ki humse sohchna b mat
Aapke itna sochne se mar jayenge hum.

Joke

Techr:Tum late kyu aye ho ?
Sdnt:Mummy Papa lad rhe the
Techr:Wo lad rhe they to tum kiu late aae?
Sdnt:Mera 1 juta mumy k paas aur dusra papa k pas tha

Thought

"Even a small dot can stop a big sentence.
But.. few more dots can give continuity"
Amazing but True..
Every Ending can be a new begining

Joke

Pappu:Lalaji ,Dettol Soap hai?
Lala:Haan hai
Pappu:To apne gande haath dho kar 250 gm moong ki daal de do.

Funny

2 bachchon ki maa teesri baar shadi kar rhi thi

Shadi k waqt chota bachcha rone laga

Maa bloi:chup ho ja, warna agli bar sath nahi laungi.

Funny

Barsat ki raat
1 bhigi ladki

bhiga badan

bhige hont

bhigi julfe

usse nazre mile
milte he dil ne kaha
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
kal ye 100% bimar hogi

Joke

Teacher:1 aur 1 2 hote hain & 2 aur 2 4 hote he, to 7 aur 7 kitne honge.
Student:sir, asaan wale ap ne hal kr liye & mushkil wala mere lye chor diya

Santa-Banta

Teacher to students:-To write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing excet Santa.He wrote "DUE TO RAIN NO MATCH"

Insulting

3 tips to break a mirror:

1. pathar mar kar tod do

2. utha ke neechay phainko

3. sheeshe ke saamne khade ho jaoI

Santa-Banta

Banta:Name the 3 Fastest Means Of Communication.
Santa:Telephone,Telivision & Tell-a-woman.

Love

Each day i like u more than yesterday & less than 2morrow. I want u as a lovable person with me for every 2morrows.B with me forever m friend.

Dosti

Wn u fall n need a hand cl me
Wn u r hurt n nd a shoulder cl me!
1 day wn u call i dnt ans come fast may b i need u..

Holi

Gulal ka rang
gulab ki maarsuraj ki kinre,khushiyon ki bahaar,chand ki chandni aur apno ka pyar,mubarak ho aapko advance me HOLI ka tyohar.
HAPPY HOLI TO YOU

Holi

Puranmashi ka chand,
Rango ki doli,
Chand se uski chandni boli,
Khushiyo se bhre sabki jholi,
Mubarak ho apko bhi
HAPPY..N..COLORFUL HOLI

Holi

Prakriti k sabhi rang
aap par barse........
Sabhi log aap k sath holi khelne ko tarse........
Aap k upar rang chade itna ki aap rang utarne ko tarse.
HAPPY HOLI

Holi

Tazi hawa me foolo ki mahek ho,
Pahli kiran me chidiyo ki chahek ho,
Jab b kholo Aap apni palke,
Un palko me bus khushiyo ki jhalak ho
Wish u a vry happy holi

Holi

Duniya sari kare thitholi,
Aaj hum b khele holi..
Chehra rang de gulal se,
Chunri ran de lal se,
Hare rang se rang de choli,
Aaja hum b khele holi.
HOLI HAI...

Holi

On dis holi, may god color d canvs or ur life wid beautiful colors of happiness, & glitter of prosperity on it.Wish u a vry happy holi....

Holi

Acolorful msg , 2 a colorful person 4 a colorgul day,in a colorful way , as a pray ,dat d colorful ray ,may forever stay!
"WISH U VERY HAPPY HOLI"

Holi

GULAL KA RANG
GUBBARON KI MAR
SURAJ KI KIRNE
KHUSHIYON KI BAHAR
CHAND KI CHANDINI
APNO KA PYAR
MUBARAK HO "RANGON KA TYOHAR"

Love

Can I say I love you today ? If not,can I ask you again tomorrow? and the day after that ?
Beacuse I'll be loving you every single day of my life.

Joke

Soldier:-"Sir, we r surrounded by enemies from all sides".
Major:-"Excellent! We can attack in amy Direction!"
So always B positive....!!

Thought

Do you know y cars's front glass is large & d rear view mirror is small ?
Bcz future is more imprtnt than past,Look ahead wid bigger view & move on.

Thought

Relations are precious,dont take them for granted.Because its sad but true.. the worst pain in life is when someone You KNOW turns into someone YOU KHEW...

Funny

The 2 dangerous weapons in the world other than nuclear bomb
1)A girl's smile &
2) her tears which can make the boys 2 do anyhting. Beware...!!!

Shayari

Udas na hona agr apse fir mulakat na ho.khafa na hona agr bat na ho.khuda kare zindgi khusio se saji rhe apki, bas pukar lena agar koi sath na ho.

Funny

Frnd k sath kro ya strangr k sath


room me kro ya garden me


din me kro ya rat me

bed me kro ya sofe pe



PADHAI to krni hi hogi Paper jo hai.

Joke

Beta: aapki luv marriage hui thi na?
Baap:ha par tumko kaise pata?
Beta: aapki shaadi or meri birth date me sirf 6 months ka farq hai..

Funny

Poem...
Luv ur luv in such a way,dat she finds no bette place dan ur heart 2 stay,

But if she still manages 2 get away,
Sorry dude its time 2 turn GAY..
:-)

Funny

Rajnikant's new film's CLIMAX...
10 Runs to win in 1 Ball!
Rajini the batsman hits the ball.The ball splits into 2 halves.1half goes for 6 & the other goes for 4!

Joke

Husband asks wife-
SHADI se pehle tumhara koi boyfrnd tha ?
After a long silence of wife
Husband-teri is khamoshi ko mein kya samjhu?
Wife- ginne 2 de....

Joke

Pati-Kal raat me maine 1 sapna dekha.
Patni-Kya ?
Pati-Tumhe koi utha le zaraha he.
Patni-Fir tumne kya kiya ?
Pati-Uski madat ki tumhe uthane me...

Funny

Galib ne apni GF ko date par bulaya, wo late ho gau
Girl: I am late
Aalib: Falak pe sitaro ko nend aa rahi hai,2sri ka time ho gaya tu ab aa rahi hai..!!

Funny

Pappu har station utarkar usse agle station ki ticket kharid raha tha

Akhir Kyun ?

Qki doctor ne usse lamba safar karne k liye manqa kia tha

Santa-Banta

Santa-Ye Computer aapke worload ko 50% kam kar dega
Banta-Thik hai 2 Computer pack kar do.

Santa-Banta

Santa @ petrol pump-Bhai, 10 rs ka ptrl dal de
Attendant-Itne ptrl me kaha jana hai ?
Santa-jana kahan,hume yun hi paise udane ka shauk hai.

Shayari

Sab Dost Bewafa Ho Gaye,
Hum Apne Mobile Se Khafa ho gaye,
Ek Message 2 Kar De Dost,
WarnaDuniya Wale Samjhenge
Hum Dono Juda Ho Gaye..

Joke

Wife: Oye ji, sunte ho, utho utho,raat k 2 baje hai..
Husband:kyu uthaya mujhe..
Wife: Aap nind ki goli lena 2 bhul hi gaye!

Shayari

Love ko life me must hona chahiye
Studnt ko luv me intrst hona chahiye
Ashiq ishq me perfect hona chahiye
Ye b college me subject hona chahiye

Joke

Pappu Samose K andar ka masala kha raha tha
Dipu-Ye tu masala kyun kha raha he
Pappu-Doctor ne mujhe bahar ka khane ko mana kiya he

Joke

Baap-Pados ki Ladki ko dekho wo Exam me 1st Aai Hai
Beta-Usiko dekha tha tabhi 2 fail ho gaya

New Year

May dis New Year bring many opportunities ur way 2 xplore evry joy of life & may ur resolutions 4 da days ahead stay firm, turning all ur dreams into reality.

New Year

Twinkle -2 yaran di car,Khadke glass in d bar,Punjabi bhangra te chicken fry,tuhanu New Year di lakh lakh vadhai
"Happy New Year"

New Year

Receive my simple gift of luv wrapped with Sicerity tied wid Care & Sealed wid Blessings 2 Keep u Happy & Safe all d life long.
Happy New Year

Funny

Parents 2 Watchman:Is this college gud ?
Watchman: Ya , I had completed my MBA here & got placement Immediately...!!!

Funny

The LAW say-
"if u cant convince them,better confuse them....!!"

Do u knw which law it is ????
?
?
?
This is LAW of
ANSWERING in an Engg. EXAMINATION....:-)

Funny

We had many otions for dieing
POISON
HANGING BY NECK
Jumping from building
Comin under a TAIN
But we
choose, EDUCATION!
Tadap Tadap k Marenge!

Though

View a negative Experience in your life
Like how u look at a Photo Negative
A single Negative can create an unlimited Number of Positive Prints.

Funny

Alibaba aur 40 chor the,ab

Alibaba aur 30 chor ho gaye.

guess d reason?

Recession boss! 10 chor ko nikal diya..Cost cutting :-)

Insulting

Police ko body mili hai

Kalle daant hai

Ghosle jaise baal hai

Shakal pagalo wali hai

Pair ulte hai

Mujhe tumhari fikr ho rahi hai-

Zara miss call to do.

Santa-Banta

Santa was thingking...
Wife:-Kya soch rahe ho..
Santa:-Ye STAR PLUS walon ko pata kaise chalta hai..
Wife:-kya?
Santa:-Aap dekh rahe hai Star PLUS..

Santa-Banta

Cop:Whr r u going?
Santa:sharab ke side effect pe lecture sunney..
cop:itni raat ko kaun lecture deag?
Santa:meri biwi aur saas.

Insulting

Your girlfrn is:
Smart
Intelligent
Sweet
Talented
Excellent
Romantic

In short she is your
S.I.S.T.E.R.

Thought

I walk 2wards d large gate,peep in 2 d empty class missng d screams of joy, a single tear scapes my eye n fall coz I know itz over:
SCHOOL LIFE never comes back...!!!

Funny

U know y didi God crete Einstein before creting me...?
Ans: God wanted 2 create a sample piece b4 creating a
Masterpiece !

Funny

Ek cinema me "Titanic"
Lagi hui thi.

Romantic Scene Aya To Ek Chota Bacha Chilaya, Mom , Dad

Dekho Wo Apki Naql Kr Rahay Hain.

Joke

Ek Sardar Ko Puri Raat Machharo Ne Bahut Pareshan Kiya Uski Khopdi Sarki, Sardar Ne Zeher Piya Aur Bola...."Ab Kaato Saalo, Sab Maroge".

Lohri

Mungfali di khushbu te gurh di mithaas,makki di roti te sarso da saag, dil di khushi te aapneya da pyar,mubark hobe tone LOHRI ka tyohar...

Lohri

Nayi LOHRI aye banke ujala,Khul jaye aap ki kismat ka tala,Hamesha aap pe rahe meherban Uparwala.Chand bhi kare aap par hi ujala.HAPPY LOHIRI

Funny

The ultimate line told by every parent 2 dear child"beta dil laga k padai karo" ab unhe kaun samjhaye Dil lagane k bad padhai hoti hai kya...

Joke

Bhakt swami se: Swamiji mera Puja me mann nahi lagta,kya karu ??
Swami: Uss Puja ko mere paas bhejo, shayad mera mann lag jaaye...

Santa-Banta

Interviewer: to bataiye PANI ke bina insan kasie marega ?
Santa: PANI nai hoga to insan tairega kaise ? Aur tairega nahi to doob jayega.

Insilting

Antar manta jadu jantar Chhhhoooo, kuch mahsus hua ?
Nahi na ?
Jadugar ne bhi yahi kaha tha ki ye mantar sirf insano pe asar karta hai.

Shayari

Agar kabhi hum mar jaye to hume jala dena,magar pehle hamara dil nikal lena,hume fikar nahi dil jalane ki,hume to fikar hai usme rehne wale ki.

Makar Sankranti

Tyohar Nahi Hota Apna Paraya,
Tyohar Hai Wahi Jise Sabne Manaya,
To Mila K Gud Me Til,
Patang Sang Ud Jane Do Dil.
HAPPY MAKAR SANKRANTI

Insulting

Jab aapka janam hua, Badal fata,Adbhut roshni hui,God khud sab ke samne prakat hue aur bole-
Galti ho gai.ADJUST kar lena

Funny

Ek ladka ladki ko dekh k kahta hai-
"Lafj tere,geet mere, Gajal koi sunau kya ?"

Ladki-
"Hath mere gaal
tere, kaan k niche bajaun kya ? "

Dosti

Wonderful Combinations in this World..
Heart & beats.Night & Moon. Music & Songs.Roses & Love.Fish & Water.My message & ur COSTLY smile!

New Year

To all my frns n Relatives who snt me Luv,Prsprity & Best Wishes for 2008.It didn't wrk.

Plz send CASH for 2009.Happy new year... in advance so u can send it on time.

Funny

PAANI se COCACOLA banane ka formula:- 1 bottle pani lo use fridge me rakho, 1 ghante baad nikalo.ani thanda milega Aur THANDA MATLAB COCACOLA

Funny

Warriors, wakeup!
Its time 4 d battle.
Refill ur pens,
clean d dust on ur txt buks. C ur syllabus & plan ur zones,
prrepare wel
War has begun...

New Year

New Year brings jus Happiness not Tear,Everybody loves only You Dear,
All your Problems will be Finish
Its 4 u my Spl NEW YEAR's wish.

New Year

Wishing you 12 mnths of happiness 52 weeks of fun 365 days laughter 8760 hrs of joy and 31536000 sec of success
Happy New Year

Funny

Life Me Hamesha Haste Raho Muskurate Raho, Gaate Raho Gungunate Raho, Kuhsh Raho Taki Log Samjhe Ki Tum "UNMARRIED HO"

Insulting

Wo shirt badi niarali thi, Jo tumne apne dost ki shaadi me nikali thi.
Tum par miti wo ladki jo puri barat me sabse kaali thi.

Shayari

Tammanao Ke Dil Me Fiza Hoti Hai
Hasrat Labon Pe Aye To Dua Hoti Hai
Chalo Usay Dil He Dil Me Chahein
Suna Hai Dil Ki Dil Se Rah Hoti Hai

Funny

A sleeping lion is strngr than a barking dog, So a sleeping student is better than a barking teacher...
"BACK BENCHERS ASSOCIATION PVT LTD"

Love

If u had 2 pick some 1 from whom u luv n 1 who lus u, Pick the 1 who luvs u because u can learn 2 luv some 1, but cant teach anyone 2 luv u back.

Funny

Khargosh k 12th me 75% aye aur kachue k 60% Phir b kche ka admission college mein ho gaya.Q? Spots quota! Bachpan me race jeeti thi na..

Insulting

American: Our dog finds BOMBS..
Japanese: Our fish play FOOTBAL.
Indian: Yeh 2 kuch hbi nahi. hamare yaha 2 Gadhe bhi msg padh lete hain.

Shayari

Sajde dil ke tarane bahut hain, zindigi jeene ke bahane bahut hain, aap sada muskurate rehna, aapki muskurahat k deeewane bahut hain.

Shayari

Do pal ki bhi khushi na mili to kya hua umr bhar gam ke sahare ji lenge
Kya hua ji hamari girlfriend nahi hum aapki galfrnd ke sahare ji leneg.

Shayari

Ek din hamare aansoon humse pooch baithe, humey roz-roz kyon bulate ho,
Humne kaha hum yaad to unhe karte hain tum kyun chale aate ho.

Joke

Dost:- Tumhari to RAM-SITA ki jodi lagti hai;
Man:- Bilkul Galat hai, Na 2 koi meri biwi utha k le jata hai, Na ye Dharti me samati hai!

Insulting

Pata hai jab tum ghar se nikaltay ho 2 Ladkiyan tumhe Hasrat se dekhti hain, aahein bharti hain aur sochti hi Kash Hamara B Aisa "BHAI" hota.

Funny

Har ladka kisi ladki ki jindgi me pahla ladka hona chahta hai or har ladki, ladke ki jindgi me akhri hona chahti hai, aisa kyun hai ?

Thought

When it is hard for you to hide ur tears..
Then never mind..
Start chopping ab onion..
let d heart cry..
u just smile n blame d onion...

Funny

Rs 9 cr per week is wasted by Indians by SMS, ehich cud b used 2 feed 6 lakh hungry ppl in pakistan. So lets keep those bastards hungry & keep messaging..

Joke

3 best jokes of college life

1) Dont disturb
I hav 2 study

2)No class
lets go to library
& d biggest one
3)Sir, i hav a doubt....!!

Funny

World agar bina GIRLS k ho jaye to kya hoga


Galiyan sunsan

College viran

Duniya pareshan

Tanha insaan

Na jaanu

Na jaan

Har taraf

"JAI HANUMAN

Dosti

Whn a person can find sorrow behind ur smile, words behind ur silence, luv behind ur anger, u can believe he/she is ur "BEST BUDDY".

Thought

V grow old, filled wid regrets 4 things not done
4 words not said
4 luv not shown
Lifes too short buddy...!!
Do war makes U happy...!!
Always keep smiling....

Funny

1 admi chupke se Nark se Swarg me ghusa , Frishto ne pakad kr khub mara Mar khane k baad wo uth, kpde jhade or bola Tumhari inhi hrkato k karan koi SWARG me nahi aata.

Thought

Two golden phrases of friendship "Dont believe the doubted one: & "Dont doubt the believed one"
That retains freindship for a longer time.

Christmas

Joy resounds in d hearts of those who believe in d miracle os Christmas!
Wishing u all d peace,joy and love of d season!
Happy Christmas

Funny

Bachelor life:

Mon ko dosti,
Tues ko pyar,
Wed ko shaadi,
Thus ko barbadi,
Fri ko fighting,
Sat ko talaq,
Sun ko rest,

Mon ko phir talash

Love

Trajedi of moon: So simple bt so attractive, so enlighten'g bt so cool, so mov'g bt so still, so quiet bt so popular So romantic BUT ALWAYS SINGLE......

Joke

Dad- Exam kaisa hua ?
Son- Q no 1 chuut gaya, Q 3 ata nahi tha, Q 4 karna bhool gaya, Q 5 nazar nahi aaya.
Dad(Gusse Me)- Aur Q no 2 ?
Son- Bas wahi galat hua.

Joke

Nokrani: malkin udas kyun ho ?
Malkin: mujhe lagta hai unka office me kisi se chakkar chalta hai!
Nokrani: nahi wo mjhe dhokha nhi de sakte.

Joke

Pappu: 10 rupaye ka Recharge kiye to kitna milta hai ?
Shopkeeper: 7 rpe Talktime milta hai.
Pappu: Thik hai baki 3 rps ki Chocolate de do.

Santa-Banta

Santa:- Aaj maine pani ko ullu banaya.
Banta:- kaise ?
Santa:- Maine nahane k liye pani garam kiya or thande pni se naha liya.....

Joke

A person askd luv kab hota hai ?
A lover said- Jab time kharab ho, aap par shani Bhaari ho, Bhagwan ka aapke maje lene ka mann ho Tab luv hota hai.